Holiday Musings From A Grateful 'RocNRev'

 

As I leave California headed toward Prescott, Arizona I feel in the moment-above billowing clouds, parting now and then to reveal the landscape below. Urban developments criss-crossed with greenbelts that bisect rectangles of development and roadways. As we  head towards mountains that look like drapey folds of fabric, the clouds begin to merge together. Soon all I can see are piles and piles of white, cottony fluff.  The clouds are outlined by grey shadows-they are brilliantly highlighted by a golden cast of sunlight.

I gaze around the cabin of this "puddle jumper." The hum of the engine grows increasingly louder, then softer as my ears play a popping game. The cockpits saloon-like doors are closed now. After takeoff they had remained open. The young pilot and copilot had been wearing Santa hats and festive plaid ties! I had seen them shifting and turning a multitude of dials and levers, taking the little plane into the air.

The copilot had amiably greeted us walking down the narrow aisle with a big bag of Werthen's candy, offering it to all of the passengers. He reminded us of  flying regulations as he went down the aisle. A "cozy" flying experience-like none I've never had before. And as we jet our way toward family this holiday season I am suddenly filled with gratitude. I am with my treasured partner, Karen. I am headed into the arms of my loving family.  I am so lucky to have the ability and means to make this trip and to have so much love in my life. I am happy to have this moment of quiet appreciation and recognition of what I cherish and hold dear. I am in the moment. Happy, healthy holiday everyone.

How To Prevent Disgruntled Wedding Guests!

If you are planning a wedding here are some excellent tips to review as you proceed with the upcoming nuptials! My personal favorite is the first one-it's always a challenge to pick the wedding date, but convenience for guest attendance is not always at the forefront when this decision is made. Remember, what can make that day extra special is being surrounded by those loved ones who have watched you grow and become who you are today, as well as those who have helped nurture your relationship thus far.  Your guests add an important presence to the wedding that will help make your day a most memorable one.

Reposted from BridalGuide.com

Top 10 Wedding Guest Complaints

By Stefania Sainato, BridalGuide.com blogger

Your wedding is about you and your fiancé getting married and sharing your love and commitment with those around you. However, I personally feel that my guests' enjoyment is paramount to that experience. That's why it's important to me to thank them for their support and ensure that I do everything in my power to make sure they have a fabulous time. With that in mind, here are the most common gripes I've heard throughout the years (and how to pre-empt them).

1. An inconvenient date.

Think it over before asking guests to forfeit spending Christmas or the Super Bowl with their loved ones to celebrate with you. Hosting during a holiday may disrupt traditions they'd prefer not to miss, and in the case of a sporting event, you may find that guests are MIA because they're sneaking off to catch the score or watch it on a nearby TV.

How to deal: If you're considering wedding at a potentially sticky time of year, check in with your closest loved ones to see if they already have set plans or would be open to attending. Some events may be easier to pull off than others (e.g. I'm getting married on Labor Day). In some cases, like Halloween, there is no other option if you're planning on throwing a full-out themed bash, so just shrug off the complainers! Also, guests may be more inclined to consider attending if they knew about the date for months in advance, so the sooner you send out that save-the-date, the better. It's also a good idea to check your local events calendar to ensure your big day doesn't compete with a parade or other large-scale community event (meet this couple who got an impromptu visit from Mr. Obama).

2. Invitation confusion.

There is nothing more frustrating than when a guest assumes they're receiving a plus-one you had no intention of inviting (we meet again, random bar hookup #22). This can happen even if you address wedding invitations using proper etiquette.

How to deal: Don't dodge the question—it will only make things more awkward. I'd recommend addressing the miscommunication kindly. Please don't tell someone who thought their children could come that you "can't have them there because weddings with kids are tacky" (true story). Avoid confusion by writing the names of the guests you want to invite on the response card and having them check off a "will attend" or "will not attend" box.

3. Seating snafus.

After the victory of compiling (and finalizing) your guest list comes the challenge of seating arrangements. It's part art, part science: Who will combust next to whom or become fast friends?

How to deal: If your guests' elbows touch and they can't easily move in between tables, you've probably crammed too many of them in one spot. Also keep centerpieces at a conversation-friendly height (no one wants to stare into an orchid all night). If you're having a hard time divvying a group of friends or family members equally, try to seat guests within the same vicinity so that they can lean over and "awww" together during the first dance instead of texting across the room.

4. Pulling out the wallet.

How much do guests dislike cash bars? Just watch wedding planner David Tutera's reaction when we asked him about them and see for yourself.

How to deal: All the pros are in agreement that cash bars are a major no-no. You'd never ask a guest to pay for a drink in your own home, so why should the wedding be any different? However, that doesn't mean you have to fork over the cash for an open bar if you can't afford it. Tutera recommends serving a limited selection of wine, beer and champagne or a couple of signature drinks.

5. Climate crisis.

Every frequent wedding-goer has experienced an event that was either scorching or freezing cold. Subjecting guests to extreme weather conditions will severely cramp their style.

How to deal: You can't help it if a weather emergency happens on your wedding day. However, there are small, fun measures you can take to ensure that guests are comfortable, beyond the obvious (plenty of shade and heat). Some ideas I love: double-duty fans that serve as programs for summer weddings and gifting your bridesmaids a shawl or faux fur wrap for winter weddings.

6. Inedible food (or lack thereof).

When I was no older than eight or nine, I went to a family party that I'll never forget. But it wasn't the bride's poufy princess dress or the heartfelt recitation of vows that I remember most. It was the McDonald's my cousin Vinny and I were allowed to eat afterwards, gleefully dipping fries into ketchup in the back of the car (because the food at the reception was so terrible).

How to deal: No bride wants to give her guests a stomachache—arrange for a food tasting before you carefully plan your menu. Not even spectacular décor can compensate for rubbery chicken or blink-and-you'll-miss-it shrimp. Ask about food allergies or dietary requirements ahead of time. It's also important to make sure they don't run out of food at the cocktail hour. If you're only having dessert or some light nibbles, that's fine, but please mention it to your guests (especially if you're having the party during mealtime).

7. Never-ending toasts or photo montages.

I wanted to sink into the floor at one wedding I attended where the Best Man's speech was so long-winded that the chorus of "boos" was deafening. Add a couple of glasses of champagne to the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster.

How to deal: Let the toastees know in advance that you don't want them to stress about writing a novel of a speech, so the cheat sheet version will do just fine. Your DJ can signal a musical cue if it's time to wrap things up, just like the Oscars. If you're the one giving the toast, follow these easy speech pointers.

8. DJ, please stop the music.

I've heard complaints about weddings where the thump-thumping of techno music began the second that the couple walked through the door and didn't end until the cake-cutting. (Grandma was afraid to step foot on the dance floor, lest she get clocked in the head by a stray fist pump.) At another wedding, the music was so loud that my mom escaped to the bathroom to rest her pounding head, only to find a group of other guests camped out there for the same reason.

How to deal: During your cocktail hour and dinner, play music that's low enough so that guests can hear each other without having to scream. Pump up the volume when it's appropriate, and don't seat any elderly guests right next to the speakers. Conversely, nothing is more awkward than being at a wedding where no one wants to get up and dance. If a song or genre just isn't working, ask your band or DJ to switch gears. Have fun with it: Once guests see your best "Gangnam Style" impression, they'll want to join in, too.

9. Disorganization to the max.

I once attended a wedding where the cocktail hour became two-and-a-half hours long because the bride and groom wanted more photos in the moonlight. Imagine the look on guests' faces when we finally sat down to our seats and waited another hour and a half before dinner was served.

How to deal: If you're unable to hold the ceremony and reception within two hours of each other (guilty as charged), make other accomodations for your guests. For example, my reception site has a waiting area where drinks and light refreshments will be served for early birds. If your reception/ceremony space is sprawled out, consider using sign posts to direct guests to necessary landmarks, like the dance floor and bathroom.

10. Ungracious hosts.

"We only saw the bride when she walked down the aisle!" or "It's been a year and I still haven't received a thank-you card!"

How to deal: Sound familiar? You don't have to hold up the wedding by having a receiving line. I love it when brides go from table to table to thank each person. It doesn't have to take long—even just a quick "hi and bye" makes me feel happy and appreciated.

No matter how tempting it is to scrap the thank-you cards (who has the hand stamina for that?) guests will notice if you don't send one. Split the duties with your husband and break it up into manageable chunks so that it doesn't seem so overwhelming anymore. (Note to self: Heed own advice next year at around this time.)

A Whole Lotta Twelves!

What a fun day to get married on, and in addition never have to worry about remembering the date of your anniversary! I am officiating a wedding on this date and to complete the "dozens" the event is scheduled for 12:12 PM.  Pretty great!

This article was published in USA TODAY by Janice Lloyd.

Weddings, concerts and mass meditations are planned for the last alliteration date this century.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Thousands are lining up to get married on the easy to remember date

5:23PM EST December 11. 2012 - The clock's a tickin' to make plans for 12-12-12. It is the last repeating-number date of the century, and just possibly holds a bit of magic.

At least that seems to be the thinking of people the world over who have circled the date on their calendars, to walk down the aisle, go to a Bruce Springsteen-Bon Jovi benefit concert for Superstorm Sandy victims in New York or meditate with the masses for world peace in Auckland, New Zealand.

For thousands wanting to tie the knot, it's just the beginning. Ever forget your anniversary, just the single most important day of your life?

That likely will not happen for people getting married on the memorable 12-12-12. Dozens of scenarios are unfolding across the USA to help people get to the courthouse on time:

-- In Los Angeles, the county clerk's office is expanding hours and allowing people to apply online for licenses ahead of time.

-- In Seattle, many same-sex couples seized the day 12-9-12, the first chance they were legally allowed to get hitched, but others opted to say "I do" on 12-12-12 instead.

-- In Fort Myers Beach, Fla., the really hard core can get married at 12:12 on 12-12-12 in what the American Academy of Wedding Planners is calling the "wedding event of the century." For $500, you get a marriage license, an individualized wedding ceremony and entrance to a day of festivities.

"Iconic dates have become a wedding trend in the United States, reaching new heights when over 65,000 couples tied the knot on 7-7-'07," says Brian Beitler, chief marketing officer for David's Bridal.

But if you've got cold feet, he says, you can always wait for the next easy-to-remember anniversary, 11-12-13. That date already is being chosen for weddings by many brides.

When the numbers line up for Abbigail Smith, she's blowing out the candles. She told The Grand Rapids Press in Michigan that she has been waiting to celebrate turning 12 on 12-12-12 ever since she was 6.

The number 12-12 is one of the combinations that can bring good luck and fortune in China. According to the South China Morning Post, many private doctors are being booked for Caesarean births. The reason, it says: Dec. 12 stands for love, but a greater urgency to have children was felt on 11-11-11 (eternal love) and 10-10-10 (perfection).

Die-hard fans of the number 12 -- dubbed "dozenalists" -- say the real time to celebrate is 2016 because they are counting in base 12. The rest of us learn to count in base 10. That new year will be huge to the dozenalists.

"Decimal year 2016 will be dozenal year 1200, which we're all really looking forward to," says Donald Goodman, president of The Dozenal Society of America.

Others can't stop imagining what comes next. On Twitter, @Jin_Campbell wrote: "Tomorrow At 12 mins,12 secs after 12 o' clock on Dec 12th, the time will be 12:12:12,12/12/12 & 12 days before Christmas."

Wedding Proposals-Keeping Up With The Times?

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When It Comes To Proposals We're Stuck In The Past

 

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I found this article was quite interesting. As an officiant I have discovered that whoever seems to be doing the "asking," proposals are getting more and more inventive. So whoever you are, be sure to include a little creativity, romance and fun!
Reprinted from The Huffington Post:
According to research released earlier this year, NO ONE wants a woman to propose. A new study conducted by the University of California, Santa Cruz found that none of the 277 heterosexual college students surveyed wanted a marriage proposal in which the woman asked the man to marry her. In fact, two-thirds of the students responded that they'd "definitely" want the man to propose, and 2.8 percent of women said they'd "kind of" want to propose. But no male or female participant said they'd "definitely" want the woman to propose.  The students were allowed to explain their answers, and graduate student researcher Rachael Robnettt told Live Science that the students often cited a desire to adhere to traditional gender role.  Women gave romance, fearing rejection and being seen as coming on too strong as reasons for their traditional preferences. The study also asked students their thoughts on changing their name after marriage. Though the responses were more diverse than those on proposals, traditional gender roles held strong.  Three-fifths of men said they would prefer to keep their name, and three-fifths of women said they were willing to change theirs.  Robnett said men and women who expressed benevolent sexism, in which people believe women should be protected and given special treatment, were more likely to adhere to marriage traditions.

Questions to Ask Your Wedding Officiant

I recently read this article published in Real Simple by  Debra McClinton. I think it will be very helpful to those planning a wedding- all questions that I would welcome!


The officiant sets the tone for your wedding so do your homework to make sure it’s a ceremony you’ll love.
1. Can you give us the ceremony we want?
Find out if the officiant will marry you if you write your own vows and design your own ceremony, and if he or she can help―suggesting readings, music, and so on. Make sure the officiant will perform an interfaith wedding (if needed) or will allow photography or videography. Basically, ask about all the particulars that apply to your case. Get a feel for the officiant's manner, tone of voice, and spiritual nature. Also, find out what the ceremony will entail, as well as its estimated length (a piece of information your caterer may ask for).

2. What's your experience?
You will want to know how many weddings this person has performed, especially weddings like yours. Ask for referrals from satisfied customers (five is a fair request, even if you don't contact them all).

3. Are you flexible?
Find out if the officiant is willing to travel to your venue. Also make sure that the officiant has a contingency plan in case he or she cannot make it.

4. What are your credentials?
Ensure that the officiant is licensed or registered to perform a wedding in your state by contacting the city clerk. You can also ask the officiant which seminary he or she was ordained through, then contact that seminary. Alternatively, the National Association of Wedding Officiants, nawoonline.com, can check to see if the officiant is licensed (for free). Years down the road, you wouldn't want to discover that your marriage is not legal.

5. How often will we meet?
Do you want an officiant who will consult with you or simply show up to perform the ceremony? Most marrieds-to-be want the officiant to run the rehearsal. Is he or she available by phone or e-mail if you have questions? Some members of the clergy require couples to have counseling before they will marry them. If that's the case, make sure you are given a clear schedule that isn't overwhelming.

6. How much do you charge?
Know what, exactly, you will be paying for. Talk about deposits and types of payment, as well as cancellation and refund policies. Inquire about fees for traveling out of town, which include transportation costs, hotels and meals, and costs of (commuting) time. The wedding officiant is the person who typically must fill out the wedding certificate and send it in, so it is good to confirm that your officiant will do this as well.

7.Will you be joining us at the reception?
Be sure to plan for an extra meal if the officiant agrees to attend.

A Day in the Life of the 'RocNRev!'

Here's a rather comical account of what happens on a typical wedding day- from wedding rehearsal to end of reception. Karen created this video (without me knowing it-such a sleuth she is!) one day last spring. Hope you enjoy! It was a great wedding and reception.

The Marriage of George and Lena

Meet George and Lena-we adopted both dogs from rescue agencies in the Los Angeles area. Though in the canine world "marriage" doesn't really exist, we like to think of our pair as having some of the same relationship dynamics their human counterparts do. They have to keep a balance and coexist yet also have a symbiotic relationship. In a successful canine relationship (as in human ones!) they respect each other, provide affection and loyalty, and are good companions. Additionally (and as with humans), when one of the partners dies their absence is felt acutely. A grieving process begins that is both difficult and painful.

We found George in the spring of 2009 as a companion for our other dog Peanut. Sadly, Peanut suffered a massive stroke and died without warning last December 2011. Her passing left Karen and me quite shaken and bereft, not to mention the devastating impact it had on ten year old  George. Their relationship, though often aloof and remote, had a unique affection and dynamic  for both.  We realized though it was probably sooner than we were quite ready, we needed to find him a new companion and partner.

Enter Lena, a four year old French Bull Dog. Lena, having had previous health issues that left her abandoned at a shelter, was fortunately rescued by a foster home. A friend had alerted us of her situation. We reluctantly went to see her.

When we met Lena we immediately realized that though she was diminutive in size, her heart was overflowing with love-and apparently we were ready recipients. She also seemed sensitive to George's idiosyncrasies. She was immediately smitten with him and he simply couldn't play his usual nonchalant and removed self. He related to her in a different way than he had to Peanut. He allowed her to groom him, be the instigator for snuggling, she even cajoled him into playing.

Through time their relationship has delightfully evolved and grown.  Though it will never be the same as with Peanut, it certainly has a character of it's own.  Lena has definitely impacted George's  life (as well as Karen's and mine!) She's made it more complete, happier, interesting and helped to patch the hole in our hearts left by Peanut's passing.

We were very lucky to find Lena. We were all luckier still to be able to take that step forward to love again. We will never forget Peanut, how much she enriched our lives and how much we loved her. Through that love came the strength and ability to love again. Thank you Peanut. George thanks you, too.

Every Day A New One

If you have visited my blog before you may have noticed some changes! The biggest being that this is the first and only entry-all my previous entries are gone, my friends and followers gone-even the old URL-vanished! Poof! With one click of the keyboard we managed to erase several years of  history from blogspot. All attempts at to restored utterly failed!
Our immediate reaction? Horror! Devastation! Frustration! Loss! As it goes, with that recognition slowly comes acceptance, albeit with some grief and sadness.   Part of this process has been the acknowledgment that as we move forward we always have a choice. We can CHOOSE to stay in a position of moaning and groaning, or we can  "pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and START ALL OVER AGAIN!" And so begins that process. Just how to do it another story-but on reflection I am reminded that this situation is not so very different than how we can move forward in relationships. As relationships unfold, develop, mature they take on different shapes and boundaries. During this evolution hurdles may present themselves that can be difficult  and maybe even devastating. Once again we are faced with how to handle these situations - do we let them paralyze us and immobilize the relationship? Or do we confront, digest and then allow ourselves to restart and begin to rebuild? Depending on our choice/decision we may then allow ourselves to restructure something that is perhaps even wiser, has more depth and becomes more solid than what we had before. We can take an initially difficult situation as an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, our mate, our relationship to each other,  and discover strengths and abilities we never knew we had, both individually and together. In time the sting of  that  difficult experience can be replaced with the knowledge and confidence that we made it through to the other side-one filled with possibilities and opportunities we never had before-the dawn of a new day! (Of course in this case the dawn of a NEW BLOG!) Happy beginnings everybody.

Peace.