Thumbtack Services!

It's not always easy to find reputable wedding vendors and finding the sources to do so. Thumbtack is a site that gives you a chance to get free bids and quotes from a wide variety of vendors.  When interviewing a vendor from this site Thumbtack initiates a conversation through you and the vendor through monitored email and you are in control if you want to give out your phone number or personal information. You post your needs on Thumbtack and vendors are alerted to what you are in need of. They are get to "bid" on the job. You decide if you want to then contact them. The Thumbtack service is free for the bride or groom! The vendor spends Thumbtack "credits" to respond, therefore the bride or groom is assured that the vendor is a serious and bonafide vendor - otherwise the vendor wouldn't be investing in the dialogue.
Another plus that Thumbtack has to offer is reviews of vendors. After someone has used their services they are contacted by Thumbtack to review their experience with the vendor. The value of reviews can give you a sense of the quality of the person or service you might consider hiring.
An additional way to qualify vendors is to cross reference them with other vendors you have hired. After finding and hiring one vendor you can open up a dialog with them about other vendors. Have they worked with them before? What type of feedback do they have?
While researching what vendors you'd like to have participate in your big day check out Thumbtacks services, you just might find them a 'one-stop-shop!'
'RocNRev' Michael Taylor

Wedding Officiants Santa Barbara

Unplugged Weddings Are The Latest Craze

No wedding ceremony photos please!

Photo courtesy of Blush Bridal

I must say, I read this article and had to reply "amen!" I have seen this happen at SO many weddings of late and very frustrating for the photographer and ultimately so disappointing for the wedding couple.

This article by Anne Chertoff of Yahoo Style!

Did you know that the bride and groom usually hire a professional photographer and videographer to capture the special moments of their wedding day? And while you, dear guest, may think that you’re helping them by taking photos they can use online or in a scrapbook, you may actually be ruining the images they are paying thousands of dollars for.

Over the last year photographers, wedding planners, and even the couples themselves, are planning unplugged weddings in which guests are asked to refrain from recording devices, especially during the actual ceremony. In a recent USA Today article, Ohio-based photographer Corey Ann Balazowich even admitted to presenting the idea to her clients (So far it has been well received.)

Guests may not realize that they’re getting in the way, or maybe they selfishly want to take their own images so they can post to their social platforms (after all did it really happen if you didn’t Instagram it for the world to see?) Photographers, however, are pleased by notion of the ban.

“Camera phones at weddings are a huge problem for photographers,” Minneapolis-based photographer Liz Banfield tells Yahoo Style. “Not only do these guests get in the way but they also can ruin the background of a photo. Literally every aisle shot I have from the last few years has someone holding out a phone into the aisle.”

And it’s not just photographers encouraging this new trend. Colin Reiser, co-owner of the wedding filmography agencyBlue Kite Cinema, shared with Yahoo Style the scenario of lining up the perfect shot to catch the couple’s first kiss at the end of the ceremony, and having a guest pop up in front of his video camera to shoot it on his iPhone.

“You end up missing the whole thing because at the last second, a guest forgets that he wasn’t the one who was hired to professionally capture the wedding,” he said. “Now, after all that build up, all you have to show is an extreme slow motion shot of the back of a guest’s head, and you have to explain to the couple why they have to ask a random guest to see their first kiss.”

Couples are not only concerned about their “ruined” wedding photos and video, but the in-the-moment experience their guests are missing by watching the first kiss, first dance, and cake-cutting ceremony via a 5-inch screen instead of through their own eyes.

“In addition to being disruptive to the photographers, taking photos on your phone or iPad is disruptive to the entire experience,” says celebrity-wedding planner Marcy Blum. “A guest can’t be shooting the wedding and be in the moment at the same time.”

So how can you ensure that only the professionals are shooting your wedding? 

Banfield recommends letting guests know via signage as they walk in that this is an unplugged wedding. You can also have the ushers remind guests that the couple is requesting they refrain from taking their own photos.

“I think it’s important it be phrased that it’s the request of the bride and groom, and not the rules of the church, which people will break,” she adds.

And just in case they may have forgotten since taking their seat, Jung Lee of FÊTE suggests reminding them one more time. “Right before the ceremony begins, have the officiant inform everyone that the couple requests that they enjoy the ceremony live, and refrain from taking photos. He can also add that all the professional photos will be shared later on.”

If you want to truly ensure that no one will jump into the aisle to take photos, New York based wedding and event planner,Lindsay Landman suggests creating a phone check.  Simply have guests check their phones—into plastic bags that are clearly labeled—as they would check their coat. “This way if they do need to make a call they can simply uncheck their phone, and then check it back in,” she explains.

For couples having a destination wedding, Blum recommends you inform guests that you’re having an unplugged wedding via a note left with the welcome bag.

“Since they won’t have their phone with them at the wedding, we’ll leave an alternate number guests can give to their babysitter, nanny or someone else who may need to reach them, and my staff will answer and relay any messages,” Blum explains.

Above all, remember to let the professionals do their job. You do yours: Be present and enjoy the experience.

Touring Orcas Island with Sandi and Jon #1

We started our day driving out to the the old Rosario Mansion (now a resort and spa) in East Sound, Orcas Island. Over one hundred years ago Seattle Shipbuilder Robert Moran built the Rosario Mansion with arts and crafts ideals in mind - time spent with family, a respect for nature and a return to hand craftsmanship lost in the industrial revolution. One hundred years later, Rosario Resort & Spa still retains this charm and has beautiful views, lovely gardens and manicured paths thoughout to enjoy it all.

The hanging baskets of petunias were gorgeous at the entrance of the mansion!

Sandi and Jon liked trying out the leather rocking chair in the lobby of the resort-quite comfy!

The view was amazing from the windows of the main dining room!

Sandi and Jon are standing in front of the HUGE pipe organ, and the piano is a Steinway.   There are concerts every afternoon at 4 PM

I had Sandi and Jon pose amidst the abundant lavender planted on the grounds-I had to take my photo in a hurry because the bees were enjoying the lavender as well! Then we were off to The Olga Cafe & Art Gallery for some lunch and browsing.......

Sandi and Jon in front of the beautiful flower boxes at The Olga Cafe & Gallery while Karen and I have lunch

Update: After we left Orcas Island we were so saddened to hear that The Olga Cafe & Gallery had a devastating fire. A major portion of the gallery and cafe had been destroyed. We loved the cafe and all of the artwork there. We hope they are able to rebuild and resume business as soon as possible.

The fire at The Olga Cafe & Gallery, just a couple of days after we had visited there

9 Common Wedding Planning Myths Debunked

This helpful article by Laurie Arons, wedding planner on Yahoo!Shine.com 

Planning a wedding can be overwhelming, and you can end up a stressed-out bridezilla if you make the wrong assumptions about how to smoothly plan a budget-friendly and well-executed big day. There are a lot of elements that go into a wedding, but at the end of the day, you want it to appear effortless. Here to help is wedding planner Laurie Arons, who shares her expert tips on how to make your wedding memorable and enjoyable for your guests, loved ones, and, of course, you and your beloved. Laurie debunks nine of the most common wedding planning myths - check 'em out now! 

• Myth: It's a good idea to mail invitations early, giving guests plenty of time to respond - "If you mail invitations too early, guests often set aside the invite, forget about it or lose it, and end up neglecting to RSVP," Laurie warns. "Or if they do RSVP, their plans can change if there are still a few months to go before the big day. Proper etiquette states four to eight weeks before is the correct time frame for sending the invitation. A save the date is a perfect tool for letting guests know about your wedding ahead of time and can be mailed up to a year in advance."
• Myth: Offering an entrée choice on the invitation is gracious for your guests and helps the caterer plan ahead. - "It can actually be confusing during dinner service to serve the meal the guest chose weeks ago," Laurie says. "Strict seating charts or place markers are needed so the caterer knows what to serve, but even then, guests forget or change their mind and ask to switch on site."
• Myth: Open seating is great for guests because it gives them the freedom to sit with the people they want. - "It can be chaotic and stressful for guests to find seats with their preferred companions," Laurie advises. "Always assign at least a table for the guest to sit at. But taking a little extra time to assign a seat really takes the guesswork out of the equation and puts guests in a group you think they'd get along with best."

• Myth: A wedding at home is more low-key and less expensive. - "Weddings at home are so special - I love them!" That said, Laurie notes: "However, big expenses come with readying a private home for a big event, including landscaping, valet parking, rental items, and portable restrooms . . . not to mention cleaning fees after the event is over. Weigh all of the costs before deciding to go down this path."
• Myth: Rustic weddings are less expensive and more casual to plan. - "Rustic weddings look effortless, but looks can be deceiving," Laurie points out. "Trucking rental items into a remote or rustic location can be a logistical ordeal - those beautifully crafted wood farm tables are heavy and bulky to transport. Plus, your caterer will have to build kitchens from scratch on site, lighting will be needed to help guests navigate woodland trails, uneven ground, etc."
• Myth: Registering for your honeymoon gives your guests a chance to buy you something memorable. - "While the honeymoon registry is a new trend that's catching on, it can be improper to ask guests to fund a vacation." Laurie says her opinion is controversial, but adds, "Guests love to buy long-lasting pieces the couple will cherish in their home. I advise my clients to register for the traditional china, silver, and crystal, along with other useful household items like linens and towels. Beautiful vases, candlesticks, and picture frames are also popular registry items that can be passed down to the couple's children later in life."

• Myth: When it comes to personalizing your wedding, more personal touches mean a more fun guest experience. - "With all the wedding blogs and magazines out there, it's easy to get overinspired to include every cute detail you see. But it can quickly get overwhelming and expensive." Laurie's solution: "Pick a couple cute details you like and include them on the day, but try to stay consistent in the look and feel of your wedding for a seamless guest experience."
• Myth: DIY wedding elements are a special way for brides to feel a part of the planning process. - "Homemade favors, printed pieces, and desserts sound like a wonderful idea at first," Laurie notes. "But if you're stuck baking and crafting into the wee hours the week before your wedding, you will be too stressed and tired to enjoy the occasion. If you can get something done well in advance, go for it. Then leave the last-minute details to professionals or friends so you can relax and enjoy!"
• Myth: If your venue has an in-house wedding coordinator, you don't need to hire a wedding planner. - "On-site coordinators are wonderful at managing the flow at the venue and executing their event operations," Laurie says. "But their assistance usually doesn't leave their grounds. If you need help with wedding invitations, wedding party attire, transportation at hotels, etc., a professional wedding planner will be the one to guide you. Venue coordinators usually love when an organized, thoughtful wedding planner is on board, so they can team up to deliver the perfect wedding day to brides."

A 'Bonnie' Wedding in Cambria, California!

Saturday I had the pleasure of officiating for a Scottish-Style wedding (complete with bagpipes!) at Cambria Pines Inn in Cambria, CA. It was such a fun wedding and delightful change to my traditional garb! Also a wonderful venue to have a wedding, beautiful surroundings, great staff, charm and ambience! So in the spirit of the Scots, here is a Celtic blessing for the very special couple I married this weekend:

May you have,
Walls for the wind
And a roof for the rain,
And drinks bedside the fire
Laughter to cheer you
And those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire

A Wedding Story To Give Us Hope

Just saw this on Yahoo News this morning. This one needs no explanation. With all the grief, sadness and violence in the world today-this one is a story of love, hope and gratitude.

Strangers Donate Dream Wedding to Bride With Cancer

By Beth Greenfield, Shine Staff 

Gargano, left, and Batugo at Sunday's dream wedding. Photo: COCO Gallery.Of the thousands ofweddings that no doubt took place in the U.S. on Sunday, there was at least one—between Jennifer Batugo and Brian Gargano, held in a picturesque Japanese garden on a Los Angeles hilltop—that had become a matter of life or death. 

More on Shine: Grab the Tissues: A Husband Documents His Wife's Battle with Breast Cancer

At least it felt that way for the bride, who was diagnosed with an extremely rare and aggressive form of breast cancer in late March. Told by doctors that she may only have a few months to live, Batugo, 29, and her fiancé decided they would move their August wedding to April. “We were given kind of a deadline, you could say,” Gargano told Yahoo! Shine. But they had no concrete plans set, and found themselves daunted not only by Batugo’s prognosis, but by the idea of pulling off a wedding so quickly.

More on Yahoo!: Pregnancy is Safe After Breast Cancer

For help, Gargano placed a call to L.A. wedding officiant Elysia Skye. Though he didn’t know it at the time, Skye also happened to be a breast cancer survivor who runs a non-profit breast-cancer support organization. She said she cried when she heard the young couple’s story, promising Gargano, “I’ll take care of it all.” Then she sprang into action, kicking off an Indiegogo fund-raising campaign for the wedding and for medical expenses (which, active through April 26, has raked in nearly $13,000 so far). She also easily convinced Yamashiro Hollywood to donate its venue to the couple’s 30-guest event and got some of the top wedding vendors in L.A. to donate their services, mainly by enlisting one very dedicated wedding planner, Laura Guerrie of Rebel Belle Weddings, to orchestrate the event in 10 days flat.

Sunday's wedding was picture-perfect. Photo: COCO Gallery.“All of the usual push-pull between what the bride wants and keeping everybody happy is gone,” Guerrie told Shine, adding that there were no formal contracts with any vendors, just an overwhelming flood of enthusiastic verbal commitments to create a magical day for the young couple. And it paid off.

“It gave me a lot of hope,” Batugo told Shine two days before the wedding. “I’m fighting now.”

Just after the wedding, for which the bride wore a champagne-hued gown given to her by an engaged friend—as well as a flowing, dark wig (donated) to cover her own hair, which has already begun to thin from treatments—Batugo sounded positively gleeful. “It was such a beautiful day,” she said happily, “and we’re grateful for the graces we received.”

Guerrie added, “Jenn has one of the most positive, bubbly, lively personalities of anyone I’ve ever met, and she was absolutely ebullient today—laughing and dancing and enjoying every minute of the party.”

It was a marked improvement from how Batugo was understandably feeling just after her rare diagnosis of angiosarcoma of the breast on March 22. Until that point, she had been looking forward to marrying Gargano, 34, a respiratory therapist based in Phoenix, with whom she had embarked upon a whirlwind long-distance relationship, becoming engaged to on Valentine’s Day. But on that fateful day, she learned that she may not live through the summer, and that she would need to start aggressive, weekly chemotherapy treatments right next door to the hospital where she was employed as a gynecology oncology nurse.

“I feel overwhelmed, loved, blessed, but the fear and sadness is new. Anxiety keeps me up...” she wrote on her cancer support blog MyLifeLine.org. “I feel hopeless, but I’ve put on the brave, optimistic, smiley exterior people know me to have... but how to keep it up?!!”

The answer came unexpectedly, through the outpouring of love from people who had never even met her before, beginning when Gargano placed his call to Skye’s company L.A. Wedding Woman, which he found on Yelp.

“We met to talk about the wedding, and Jenn was asking me all these questions about treatment and wigs and intimate situations,” said Skye, who was diagnosed with stage-3 breast cancer just after her 24th birthday. After undergoing a double mastectomy, chemotherapy and many reconstructive surgeries, the wedding officiant started a side project, the Elysia Skye Breast Cancer Organization, focused on education and prevention.

“What’s inspiring to me is how much Jenn is inspired. Three weeks ago she was like, I guess I’m going to be dead this summer,” Skye told Shine. “Since this [wedding planning] started, she’s said I’m going to beat this. It just gives me purpose.”

In addition to the thousands of dollars raised through the Indiegogo campaign—which will not only be put toward Batugo’s medical expenses, but Gargano’s hurried relocation to L.A.—the crowd-sourced wedding welcomed a slew of donations. Those donated food and drink, photography, videography, makeup, accessories, balloons, hotel accommodations, flowers, music, wedding cake (“So many people wanted to donate the cake, it was crazy,” Skye noted), a white 1959 Rolls Royce, and, of course, the services of Skye and Guerrie. The total cost of the wedding, had it been paid for, would have run in the ballpark of $20,000, Guerrie noted.

The newlyweds said that having something positive to focus on has been vital to getting them through these past few weeks.

"There are so many bad things happening today, it's good to know there are good people out there, willing to help complete strangers," Gargano said.

Batugo told Shine just before the big day, “I think, in moments when I’m alone, and it’s quiet, like at the end of the day, I figure, oh, I’m still sick, and after this wedding I’ll have to still fight this cancer. But everyone has been coddling me with love, and I’m so grateful.” After the wedding, Batugo said that a personal highlight of the day had been the father-daughter dances, which Guerrie elaborated on for Shine.

“Instead of just doing the traditional ‘father-daughter’ dance, Jenn and Brian also chose to dance with the other’s respective parent. So Jenn danced with her dad, then his. And Brian danced with his mom, then hers. For that last one, their song choice was ‘Don’t Worry Baby’ by the Beach Boys,” she said. “Six-foot-plus Brian, and Jenn’s tiny little mom, and a message of ‘everything will turn out all right.’ Not too many dry eyes in the house at that moment.”

Rainy Day Weddings On The Central Coast: A Wet Bride Is A Lucky Bride!

Though here on the Central Coast of California we are known for beautiful, sunny days those of us who live here also know we can just as easily have rain! I've officiated at many spring and summer weddings where "out of the blue" we have a rainstorm.  To make sure your wedding day goes without a hitch here is a great article from loveandlobster.com by Christina Wnek.  Though this article is directed toward weddings on the New England Coast where rain is much more common, it seems a good idea to take tips from experts on the subject! Remember "Sposa bagnata, sposa fortunata!”

There’s an old superstition that rain on your wedding day is a lucky omen. The Italians even have a saying for it, “Sposa bagnata, sposa fortunata,” or “A wet bride is a lucky bride.”

Still, most brides would trade a little good fortune for the outdoor ceremony of their dreams. But if you’re tying the knot in coastal New England, you just can’t count on endless sunny skies. So remember another time-tested adage: A flexible bride is a happy bride. Make a backup plan.

Tip number one: Rent a tent. So says Kate Parker, one of our favorite wedding planners and a woman who knows how to prepare for New England’s unpredictable weather. Yes, a tent costs more, but this is not the West Coast, where the sun always shines. If you’re already planning on using a tent, consider ordering just one size larger so it can accommodate guests not only for the reception, but also the ceremony and cocktail hour, Kate suggests. The extra $200 will be well worth your peace of mind. The same goes for shelling out a bit more for a tent floor, so you’re not stuck dancing with dad in a muddy puddle.

Check out the lay of the land, as well. That verdant valley might look like the perfect ceremony site, but not if a downpour fills it with an inch of rain. Shoot for a level surface, and consider keeping your cocktail and reception tents within a short walk of each other, Kate says.

A couple of final notes on logistics, then we’ll get to all of the fun rainy day touches you might never have considered. Write up a communication plan in advance, so you can notify guests and vendors of a location change or other wet-weather contingencies. Be prepared to provide transportation as well. And try to treat your Plan B with the same appreciation for aesthetics as you do the dream vision for your day. If the contingency site for your ceremony is a cramped, drab hotel dining room, you might end up disappointed. “Your rain plan has to be as cool as your non-rain plan,” Kate says.

Now for the fun part. You may think of umbrellas as inclement weather necessities, but when they match your wedding colors, suddenly you’ve got themed accessories. And their counterparts, brightly colored galoshes and wellies, brighten up any drab day. If tracking down matching colors proves difficult, you can always go with classic white (including the ivory Weddington wellie with customizable ribbon and vintage lace-style umbrellas!) Imagine a portrait of you and your intended snuggled under an umbrella in your rain gear. Not bad, right?

And speaking of photography, the soft and balanced light on overcast days makes for flattering portraits free of harsh shadows. If you’d planned to have your portraits taken after the ceremony but a real downpour is looming, stay flexible and shoot them before you exchange vows. A good photographer will be prepared with alternate rainy-day portrait environments, but you can always schedule a backup session for after the big day.

Even more crucial than careful planning, however, is an up-for-anything attitude. Kate has seen brides both rise to the drab weather occasion and completely fall apart at the prospect of a few raindrops. “It’ll break you or make you,” she says. So remember, it’s a nice day for a wet wedding.

15 Fun Wedding Reception Ideas

These are some great suggestions for a fun wedding reception!  They will surely have your guests going home thinking "that was the most fun reception ever!" And, more importantly, so will you.
This article is reprinted from:
bridalguide.com and written by Elena Donovan Mauer

Forget stuffy. Be sure your guests let loose and truly enjoy your wedding with these entertaining ideas — straight from the pros!

1. Walk Down Memory Lane
Make the guest feel like integral parts of the day by incorporating them into the decor—in a gallery of meaningful photos. "We do something we like to call 'memory lane,'" says Northern California event planner Sasha Souza. "We hang pictures of the bride and groom with friends and family along the walk from the ceremony to the reception. It's a fun cocktail party conversation starter." As guests take a leisurely stroll and find pictures of themselves with you, they can reminisce and socialize.

2. Break the Ice Creatively
When you enter your reception for the first time as husband and wife, don't just take a conventional arm-in-arm stroll. "Run. Skip. Dance. Swoop in on a rope swing!" suggests Alyssa Brown of AE Planning+Design in San Francisco. Brainstorm with your groom about the most creative, appropriate way to make a big impression. This is a great way to break the ice and set up for a fun vibe for the rest of the event.

3. Play Party Games
"We did a wedding where the menus were puzzles, so each person got one piece of the puzzle at their place setting, then everyone had to put the pieces together to get the full menu description," says Brown. "Crossword puzzles are fun for the back of a program or if you have guests going on a long bus ride to get to the reception venue."

4. Surprise 'em!
"Pablo Neruda is the world's most romantic poet," sats Bussen. "And a modern, pretty paperback edition of his love poems makes a wonderful, lasting guest favor that's much more meaningful that a bag of Jordan almonds! If you buy in bulk, you might get a discount—contact your bookseller directly. And don't forget to add a personalized bookmark thanking your friends and family for sharing your big day with you."

5. Be Entertaining
Guests always love the energy of a live band but tend to want to hear the original artist sing their favorite tunes. As a compromise, a bride may hire a dance band but also play DJ'ed music during the breaks, or she'll arrange to have live music during some parts of the event and recorded music during others. Souza suggests combining the best of both worlds—at the same time. "We've worked with a band called The Infusion Experience," says Souza. "The DJ plays the original music while the percussion players play live. It's a huge crowd pleaser!"

6. Be More Entertaining
"Consider unexpected, untraditional entertainments like tarot card readers, magicians and flip book stations (booths where guests create quick movies and make mini books)," says Marcy Blum, an event planner in New York City. She advises asking yourselves what sorts of activities the two of you like to do. You can use your shared interests as surefire wedding inspiration. (Did you meet at a comedy club? You may want to hire a stand-up comic.) Or you can use your heritage as inspiration: "I've had couples surprise their guests with ethnic dancers or musicians who share a set with the band," says Blum. "You can hire square dance instructors," adds Blum. "Have them teach guests to do a line dance—they'll have a blast."

7. Offer a Dessert Buffet
You can assume most people have a sweet tooth, so have guest get involved in creating their very own dessert. "A cupcake-making station is a reinvention of the popular hot fudge station," says New York City event planner Shawn Rabideau. "Have abundant trays of different flavors and colors: a guest might pile crushed Oreos on a chocolate buttercream cupcake or top a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese." This sort of do-it-yourself treat is absolutely guaranteed to bring out the kid in everyone!

If you're planning a warm-weather wedding, feel free to get really playful with refreshments. Consider serving up a nostalgic and fun Sno-Cone station. "It's easy to rent a shaved-ice machine from the caterer or a party rental company," says Bussen. "Add a choice of colorful syrups and even your favorite apres-dinner liqueurs. Think frozen White Russians, Orange Shaved Ice with Grand Marnier, or Ruby Port and Berry. This will be the hit of the party."

Wedding Toasts Tips For the Wise Bride!

Wedding Toast drawing via Wikipedia

The "Bitchless Bride" is one of Huffingtonpost.com regular contributors. The following is a great article on how to choose your "toasters"  and when to schedule them. After being privy to countess wedding toasts (and having to supervise, sometimes censor and delicately interrupt lengthy monologues) the "Bitchless Bride" offers great advice on who to chose, how to chose them and who and how to exclude the ones who really shouldn't take the mic at all!

The Who, What, When, Where, and Why of Toasting Etiquette

"Simplicity is the glory of expression" said the great American poet, Walt Whitman and after a long, Labor Day weekend of weddings, rehearsal dinners and the "morning after" brunches, I couldn't agree more. I mean, I've been thinking about some of the fabulous toasts I felt lucky enough to witness, and some of the insanely boring, rambling and completely inappropriate toasts I had to endure. And while the guests certainly appreciated the eloquent speakers who treated the "audience" to a wonderful tale of the bride and groom, sadly we all became innocent bystanders of some poor judgment and plain old bad taste.

Brideys, allow me to transport you back to grade school for just a moment. Remember these: Who? What? When? Where? (And) Why? Use these simple questions as a guideline when determining the following... Who gets to toast? What is the general content of the toast? When during the course of the evening will they toast? Where (at the wedding or the rehearsal dinner) will they toast? And of course... WHY have they been chosen to offer a toast? Because honoring the happy couple is absolutely one of the formalities and joy of any wedding and rehearsal dinner, but it's how you do it that counts. Allow me to break it down a bit:

1. Who is this person? Are they a close friend or somebody who asked you if they could say a few words in your honor? Because if it's the latter, and you feel somewhat obligated to oblige, then just say "no thank you, we have narrowed down our list of those who will be speaking, and we don't want it to get too long." I mean... if you aren't super thrilled to hear how they are going to "honor" the two of you, then neither are your guests. So let the pity toast go.

2. What is the general content of the toast? You don't have to ruin it for yourselves, but have an idea as to some of what will be mentioned. Because after this past weekend, nothing surprises me anymore... Seriously, picture your grandma digesting the wet T-shirt contest story or the one about how you were so drunk that you passed out and woke up with your face painted, but OMG thank GOD you met your fiancé because he really turned you around. Yeah, relive those moments during your bachelorette weekend!

One more somewhat nit picky item regarding the general content of the toast... be sure that your speaker doesn't ONLY speak about you or the groom based on how they fit into the mix. BOTH of you are getting married, and while it's okay to take up about 60 percent of the airtime speaking about the person they know the best, it's important that they don't forget to talk about the bride and groom as a couple! I mean that IS why they are speaking after all, right?

3. When are they going to toast? If your friend is a superb speaker, then it might be nice to have them toast the happy couple somewhere in the middle, particularly if this is during your rehearsal dinner when the toasts/roasts typically happen one after the other.... Because if the evening begins a bit rough (with long, boring private jokes and anecdotes), then your friend can help revive the atmosphere, and set the tone for those to follow.

4. Where are the majority of the toasts going to take place? The rehearsal dinner or the wedding? The answer... the rehearsal dinner. Just remember to remind everybody who is speaking to be brief, entertaining and as appropriate as possible (see #2). The reason it's best to have the majority of the toasts take place at the rehearsal dinner is because everybody is sitting, everybody is focused (because they know to expect somewhat of a long evening of toasting/roasting), and they are hopefully enjoying some delicious food.

Toasts at the wedding should also be brief with a limited amount of speakers, but more then that, it's nice to get through the formalities quickly so that you can celebrate.

5. Why are they "the chosen ones"? If you can't answer this question easily, then very simply... Don't let them take the mic! The people speaking should know you inside and out, and convey you and your soon-to-be-husband in the best possible way. If you are at all concerned that they will embarrass you (sometimes even by accident), then don't let them take the floor.

After planning, orchestrating and listening to millions of rehearsal dinner and wedding toasts, you gotta trust me! Take my advice and run with this one! Because if you do, I promise that you'll be able to fully relax throughout the wedding weekend!

Got it? Good!